HOPE

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13

As this journey the Lord has me on continues down its ever changing path, one thing remains constant and that is my hope in the Lord.  I can rest assured knowing that no matter what is going on in my life, God is my constant hope and peace.  I am confronted almost daily with new questions and or challenges.

Such as, how do I address important days and holidays without the one who has been a constant companion for 39 years?  Do I acknowledge his birthday, or just go on as if it is another day?  I know I will not celebrate with cake and presents as was our custom, but what do I do?  Nothing?  Go to the cemetery and leave a flower?  Be with other family members who are also wondering what to do on this day?  Retreat to my house and vegetate for the night?  I don't know.

And what to do when that anniversary comes around?  What about Thanksgiving and Christmas?  Do I stay home or go away so I won't be reminded of the emptiness and differentness that is there?  How do you keep on holding your head up when your heart is breaking?  How do you deal with the sudden outpouring of tears that come on a moment's notice over the slightest nothing?

These are all questions that go through my head constantly.  I have read about grief and it all seems normal, but there is no step by step guideline that tells you how to address these issues.  I have determined the reason is that there is no set answer.  Everyone's circumstances are different and everyone handles grief in a different way.  Just because someone is not curled up in a fetal position crying daily doesn't mean they aren't hurting or that they aren't lonely. But I can tell you from first hand experience, they are hurting and they are lonely.  You can't lose such a big part of your life without there being an emptiness there and a hurt.  

I don't have all the answers, but I do know that I can't wait for the storm to pass, because I might be waiting forever these days.  So, I guess I will have to learn to dance in the rain and rest in His hope and peace.

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.  Zephaniah 3:17