Holes

Have you ever tried to fix a hole?  If you have a hole in your sock, you may darn it.  But the sock never quite feels the same again.  There is always a rough spot that rubs the wrong way.  Then there may be a hole in your sheetrock.  You get a patch kit and try to patch it.  No matter how good you are at patching sheetrock, under close scrutiny, the patch can be detected.  It will never be exactly the same.  A roofer may try to patch a hole in a roof, but try as he might, he will never be able to get an exact match in the shingles, because the ones left behind are worn and faded while the replacement  shingles are fresh and new.

How about a hole in your heart?  I have heard of surgeons who have been able to patch holes in people's hearts, but that's not the kind of hole I am referring to.  When someone you love dies, there is a hole left in your heart that can't be repaired.  No surgeon can fix it, nothing seems to fill it up and put it back like it was.  The hole from losing a parent is a different shape than the hole from losing a child or a spouse.  No two holes are the same.

Three months ago, a hole gaped open in my heart and no matter how strong I try to be, no matter how brave a front I put up, the fact of the matter is, it hurts.  Oh dear God, how it hurts.  I am being real here because I want to encourage others on this journey.  This is not easy for me to admit, because by doing so, I am recognizing my frailty.  I have always been the strong one, the one who holds it together, the one who perseveres.  But you need to know that none of my strength or perseverance can be accounted to me.  It is only because of Christ in me that I have the strength to go on.  You see, the only thing that can fill the emptiness inside is my heavenly Father, Abba God.

     O my God, my soul is cast down within me

     Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan,

     And from the heights of Hermon, from the Hill Mizar,

     Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls;

     All your waves and billows have gone over me.

     The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime

     And in the night His song shall be with me--

     A prayer to the God of my life.

     I will say to God my Rock

     "Why have You forgotten me?  Why do I go mourning

     because of the oppression of the enemy?"

     As with a breaking of my bones, my enemies reproach me,

     While they say to me all day long,

     "Where is your God?"

     Why are you cast don, O my soul?

     And why are you disquieted within me?

     Hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him,

     The help of my countenance and my God.  Psalm 42:6-11

When I am overcome with sadness, I have to say, His lovingkindness and His songs are what bring me comfort.  He is my hope and I will praise Him, even in my grief.  He is the help of my countenance and I will do my best to hold my head high, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving.  With His help, I will continue to persevere.  For without Him, I would be hopeless and would surely fail.  If you are going through a similar journey, place your hope and trust in Him.  Give Him your heart, because only He can bring healing.  

In His love,  Pam