I AM STILL ME

March 7, 2016 rocked my world and changed my life forever.  For the past 39 years I have been a part of an "us".  Now, after David's passing, there is just me.  There is no way to prepare for that, and since it occurred so unexpectedly, I feel as if I've been ripped in half, but I am still me.  There was "us" almost twice as long as there was just me.  Daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, but no longer a wife.  Does that change who I am?  Single, widow, alone.  New labels, but do they change my identity?  No they do not.  My true identity is found in Christ.  

       "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no loner I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me"  Galatians 2:20

All other identifiers are temporary, only my identity as a child of God is eternal.

When I got married, I changed from being single to being married, but it didn't change who I was.  When I became a mother and a grandmother, my roles changed, but not the essence of me.  Becoming a widow means I am single again, but I am still me.  Widow, single again, alone.  Those are all such sad words and they change the way people look at you and treat you.  I went into the bank the other day to have David's name removed from the bank account and the banker greeted me warmly and asked how I was and what could she do for me.  But, her entire demeanor changed when I explained why I was there.  The pity started to pour forth.  I thanked her for her condolences and told her I was doing ok and that God's grace was seeing me through.  It was as if she couldn't quit asking me questions, from how did it happen, had he been sick, to did I need help with estate planning.  Sometimes I think if one more person asks me how did it happen, was he sick, etc., I might scream.  It seems as if I have repeated the story so many times that I think I have become numb to it.  But, then there was that still, small voice.  "Tell your story.  Tell My story."  Because Christ is in me, His story is my story and my story is a part of His story.  So as I shared my story of God's grace, goodness and mercy over the past 6 weeks, she became engrossed in my story.  She ended up saying, "Wow, you came in here to take care of some business and I have been so blessed by getting to speak with you."  She then said, "I don't know if I could go through what you are going through with such strength, but you know, I guess I could because we serve the same God."

So, even though my label has changed from wife to widow, married to single, together to alone, please don't pity me.  Love me, be patient with me, offer comfort when I am down, but don't pity me. People are placed in our lives to fill different roles and spaces, but they don't define us, who we are.  I still love to take pictures, take walks in the park, brag about my boys and grand kids, watch sappy Hallmark movies, listen to Christian music and eat chocolate (and not necessarily in that order!).  I am still me, I just no longer get to share those things with the other half of me.  BUT, I have a heavenly Father who loves me with an unfailing love.  He is a good, good Father who loves me and that is who I am.