Unsettled

Today marks 5 months since David's passing and I feel as unsettled now as I ever have.  There are still so many questions rolling repeatedly through my mind.  What am I going to do with the rest of my life?  How am I going to survive financially?  How am I going to survive alone?  And that is the hardest question of all to admit to.  Yes, I have family who loves me, but the loneliness in the still of the night, in the quiet of the morning forever haunts me.  This is a hard thing to admit, because I have always been the strong one, the self sufficient one, the survivor.  But if I am being completely honest, I am scared to death of what my future holds.  I am on the cusp of making some major decisions regarding my future, and the one thought I continue to have is, "If I believe God is leading me in one direction and I say I can't do it, am I trusting in me, or in Him?"  And I come back to the realization, that he holds my future and I need to trust Him.

In the midst of all these questions, the one thing that comforts my unsettledness and brings me peace is my Savior, Jesus Christ.  If God can tell the ocean exactly where to stop on the beach and can count the grains of sand, surely he knows of my unsettledness.  Zephaniah 3:17 says:

     "The Lord your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save;  He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

It is His love that quiets my unsettled spirit, that brings me peace and comforts me in my loneliness.  In Him will I trust.  In Him I will not fear.  And to know that He is singing over me, overwhelms my soul and causes me to rejoice in Him for His care, His faithfulness and His unfailing love.