G.R.A.C.E. and Light For Asia are receiving an invitation from an organization in Pakistan to start a Child Sponsorship Program. This will be much like what we are doing in Thailand. Joseph York and I have plans of going to Pakistan to iron... out the details of the program. The total cost of this mission for Joseph and I is apporoximately $3500. As of now, $2000 has been raised. Would you consider partnering with G.R.A.C.E., Light For Asia, and Light of Grace to make this a reality. A child sponsorship program in Pakistan would mean a way out of poverty, the likelihood of labor and/or sexual exploitation lessened, and exposure to the gospel. Gifts can be given through G.R.A.C.E. or Light For Asia.
Now put yourself in my place, if you can. You are reading this post and you see your son's name. That immediately requires more than a quick glance at the post, because since your son lives on the other side of the world, you like to keep up with what is going on in his life. As you read on, the reality of what your are reading hits you like a ton of bricks. Your son is planning a trip to Pakistan...and you don't know anything about it. So, your immediate reaction is to text said son and say, "Just when were you planning on telling me you were going to Pakistan? And when are you planning to go? I don't like this at all." You know you will get a response very soon.
The phone rings and your son is on the line calling from Thailand and says, "I wasn't planning on telling you. I was just going to go and let you know when I got back." Well, I don't care if he is almost 32 years old, he is still my child and I still have a say in where he goes, don't I? Especially when it involves somewhere that is in the news nearly every day for very dangerous things that are occurring there? As my rant is going on, imagine the nerve of him to say, "Well, you asked for this, be careful of what you ask for." My immediate response: "I didn't ask for this, God just gave it to me." And then he said, "No, you were chosen."
I must say, I didn't like that at all. Sometimes we just don't want to be chosen. I like being a wall flower, left to myself. The conversation went on, but I realized I was fighting a losing battle. He tried to convince me it is going to be ok, but I wasn't there yet and I told him so. I blurted out at one point, "I am being a Jonah, and am resisting this calling right now. I am not ready to accept this." He had to go, I told him I loved him and hung up. And then the tears came, and came, and came. I couldn't stop them. I was so torn. I was and am scared to death about him going, yet I felt God asking me questions. People ask how you know God is talking to you. Trust me, when God speaks to your heart, you will know it. It is as clear as if He is standing right next to your ear shouting.
"You were chosen."
"But, God, I didn't sign up for this. I gave him to you and you sent him to Thailand, to a safe place. Thailand isn't violent. He was just supposed to go pass out Bibles to Chinese tourists."
"If not you, then who?"
"But this is my child."
"He was chosen."
If you know Joseph's email address, it is jyacts18@yahoo.com. Do you know the significance of that? Acts 1:8 says, "But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth."
"But, God, let someone else go to Pakistan. Not Joseph."
"Don't you know that I love those people just as much as the Chinese? Just as much as you? Don't they need to hear about me, to feel my love? Look at the picture. Doesn't that child deserve to hear about me?"
"But I am scared."
"Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God I will praise His word. In God I have put my trust, I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?" Psalm 56:3-4. "Don't you trust me in the hard things, or just the easy? Am I not God over all?"
"But what if something happens? I am worried."
"The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked came against me to eat up my flesh, my enemies and foes, they stumbled and fell. Though an army may encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war may rise against me, in this I will be confident." Psalm 27:1-3.
This back and forth struggle went on all through the night. Even as I awoke and drove to work, the struggle continued. The song chorus kept going through my mind all day today. "God you are God even when I don't see you. God you are God even when I don't feel you. I will praise You. I will praise You."
The Jonah in me started shrinking. The fear in me started fading. The little boy's eyes kept penetrating my soul. The questions kept resonating. "Don't these people deserve to hear the Gospel, to be given a chance at salvation?" "If not you, then who?" "Do you only trust Me when it's easy and convenient?" "Haven't I proven my love and care?" "Haven't you had a front seat to witness the miracles I have done in and through Joseph? Don't you trust me?"
Then I heard Brian's voice pushing through all the questions. He said to me not long ago about another situation, "Mom, what are you worried about? God's got this." All day when the fears started rising, I repeated, "God's got this." "God's got this." "God's got this."
OK, God. You've got this. My heart is still heavy, but I am trying to do a better job of trusting, of resting in You. I am trying to accept, I am trying to understand. But no matter what, through this journey, I will praise You, I will praise You.
Pray with me for protection for Joseph and his family. Pray for me that I will continue to trust God and have peace and rest in this situation.
In His love,
Pam
